by

Pastor B.J. Knefley

Have you ever missed the point? I know I have. Sometimes, it’s easy to overlook the point when we don’t have our eyes and ears open. A friend of mine shared a situation they recently experienced where another person missed the point in something they were trying to convey. How does that happen? It occurs when we become fixated on one thing and overlook everything else.

Several years ago, I went to pick up my four-year-old granddaughter for the day. When I arrived at her house, her mother, my daughter, said she wasn’t going. Not only was she not going, but she was also grounded in her room. It seems she had cut the screen out of her window with a knife. I went into her bedroom to talk to her and see if I could somehow redeem the situation. On the dresser, I saw pieces of the screen cut into one-inch squares. As I talked to my granddaughter, I asked what she was making. Through her sobs, she said, “I was making firewood.” I quickly realized my daughter missed the point.

Behavior and motivation are not the same; however, the problem is that we often only see the behavior. We will likely miss the point if we don’t understand what drives that behavior. So, how can we do that? I’m glad you asked, because that’s precisely what we must learn to do—ask the question. We often miss the point because we assume we already know the motivation, yet we can be a thousand degrees off.

My granddaughter’s behavior was inappropriate but fueled by creativity and imagination. On one hand, it’s essential to address the behavior while encouraging creativity. The only way to achieve this is to get to the point and handle the situation appropriately. My fact-finding didn’t lead my daughter to relinquish her position; my granddaughter remained grounded.