Learning To Ask Questions
By
Pastor B.J. Knefley
Has anyone ever said that you don’t listen? What about being accused of not loving another, or that you don’t care? These statements and others are often said to us by the people around us. How do you respond? What is your answer? If you’re like me you’ve probably learned that no matter what I say or how I respond doesn’t work. So, what does? How do you respond? I believe that answer is learning to ask questions.
Often when someone says that we’re not listening we have a tendency to argue the point. What would happen if we asked a question? For example, suppose we asked, “If I were listening, how would you know?” Their answer would help you to act in a manner that communicated that you were listening. In my case it might be that I need to put down my book or my phone. Ultimately, we need to find a way to communicate that we’re listening in a manner that the other person understands.
If you’re accused of not loving the other person, the same principle applies. Ask a simple question like, “If I were loving you, how would you know? Their response would help you to know what their love language is. You might be surprised that the issue of listening comes up again.
What I have learned over the years is we respond to those around us according to our understanding. Often, it’s directly related to how we were brought up, our family of origin. It’s not then a surprise when two people clash over an issue. Their frame of reference is often very different. How we learned to communicate within our individual families is always different. In some cases, we might just as well be speaking a different language.
Learning to ask questions needs to be learned. Yet if we can practice learning how, we often will find that our relationships will be better off because of it. Remember, even Jesus asked questions. It causes people to think. Think about it.