It’s Not Always The Parents

by

Pastor B.J. Knefley

When children do bad things, who is to blame? When kids get in to trouble, whose fault is it? Does the fault belong to the parents or is it solely the fault of the child? As a parent myself, I have second guessed my parenting skills when I have observed my children make some very bad choices. I don’t think that it is unusual for parents to wonder and feel very responsible for a child’s misdirection and behavior. But are parents always to blame? I hope that after reading this there will be some that feel a little relief and hope from the self-inflicted guilt and shame that they have heaped upon themselves because of the action of one of their children.

Ponder this for a moment. Who was the very first parent? If you said Adam and Eve, you would be close, but not correct. Actually, the very first parent was God himself. Now think about this for a moment, God, the perfect parent, had two children who disobeyed him. In fact, their disobedience, their choice, has had a ripple down effect upon every individual since then. Not only did God’s first children choose to disobey; his very first grandchild murdered his brother. So, who is to blame? Was it God? Was he as the parent, responsible for the choices of his child? Can we blame God for all the bad things that have subsequently followed Adam and Eve’s choices in the Garden? Or does it fall upon the choices of the individual?

Sadly, there are many parents who take on the guilt and shame of their children’s choices. They may even beat themselves up with self-condemnation, but the reality is we are not responsible for every choice our children make, just as God was not responsible for the choices of Adam, Eve, or Cain. And although it is true that my choices as a parent can have a great influence upon my child, and I must be responsible for these choices, my child is equally responsible for theirs. The truth is good parents can and do have children who do bad things. Not because of anything the parent has done but solely because of the choices of the child. Remember, even God had children that disobeyed. Think about it.