Pastor B.J. Knefley

I recently spoke with several men about the lies we live by. Surprisingly, many expressed these thoughts with great emotion and struggle. You might be wondering what I mean by “lies we live by,” so let me explain.

The lies we live by tell us we must be perfect in everything we do, that we must fix everything, that we are responsible for the unhappiness of others, that we are stupid, or that we are not good enough. Do you see what I mean? We all have these to varying degrees, and although we may not be consciously aware of them, they influence everything we say and do. Healing from these lies requires considerable inner exploration to identify and address the root causes. Sounds easy? It’s not.

You might wonder how these lies develop, and the answer is quite simple. They enter our lives through things said to us or our interpretations of a look. Everything we believe about others and ourselves has been shaped by what we’ve heard, touched, or smelled. For example, a child who comes home with a report card full of A’s and one B and is told, “You could have done better,” can learn that what they do is more important than who they are. They might also learn that perfection is the goal, and to miss it can make them feel incomplete. The compliant child quickly learns their job is to keep everyone happy, so they don’t complain or cause problems. Comments like, “You’re always in the way” or “You made us late” create children who grow up feeling responsible for the problems of others. Now, do you get the picture? Please understand that parents don’t set out to harm their children. A simple look can lead a child to interpret displeasure, resulting in an adult constantly seeking approval. Remember, I may not be responsible for what happens to me, but I am responsible for how I respond. That’s why I believe examining the lies we live by is essential. Why? Because they are the source of much of our unhappiness and pain, and only you can change that. Think about it.